Alana Sheehy
Born in Dublin, Alana Sheehy has been interested in writing from a very young age. She has completed a BA degree, graduating with honours in 2010. She is hoping to return to third-level education in September 2013.
Wedding Day
Sarah sat quietly in her parents kitchen on the morning of her wedding. She had dreamed of this feeling for years and suddenly she was feeling it. Actually feeling it for real. Although her wedding to Ross had been planned for two years now, she was beginning to become nervous at the thought of her upcoming descent into matrimony. She mused over what it would be like, but before she came to any real conclusion, her father walked in.
‘‘Sarah! How beautiful you look and how happy!’’ He exclaimed.
She was glad at least that she looked happy, even though she didn’t know whether she felt it or not.
‘‘ Hiya dad. Nice day isn’t it?’’ She murmered.
She was trying desperately to make small talk and push away the possibility of any questions surrounding that days events. She didn’t know why, but with every passing moment she grew increasingly anxious. Perhaps it had something to do with the dream she had had only a few hours before this. She was walking through a dense forest, wandering without any obvious purpose. Suddenly a vicious looking wolf leaps out at her from behind the bark of a giant tree bearing blood red leaves. There is nowhere to go, nobody to save her. She is all alone and then, just as the wolf begins to advance he is shot through the neck by an arrow. She looks up to thank her saviour and is shocked when she sees an old boyfriend, Damian. The dream ended there, she did not even speak to him. However, this dream had shaken her. She had not thought of Damian much since their break up. The demise of their relationship had been, without a doubt, her fault. She had played with fire and gotten burned. She never had been very good in relationships. She wracked her brain in an attempt to recall any boyfriend she had not been unfaithful to, but alas could not find any. Even the man she was about to marry. She supposed this dream was some cruel trick karma was playing on her and so tried to move on with the day. She heard her mother rushing downstairs.
‘‘ Sarah dear, have you had any breakfast? You must eat! I remember on my wedding day I forgot to eat and my stomach was grumbling for the entire ceremony. Mortified so I was!’’
Her mother always made her smile. She was a funny little woman. Her slight stature was accompanied by a rush of shiny auburn hair and large blue eyes. She looked nothing like her mother. She was tall with chocolate brown hair and eyes of the most hypnotic grey. That was her best feature she presumed. Her eyes.
‘‘ Yes mom, I’ll have something thanks. Maybe just some toast, I don’t want to be getting sick everywhere either,'' Sarah retorted.
‘‘ My dear girl, getting sick on your wedding day is the last thing you should be doing! Having said that I got sick on the day I was marrying your father. But that was because of the dodgy prawns I had had the night
before. My point is, the thought of marrying Ross shouldn’t be making you ill. Are you alright?’’ Aked her mother inquisitively.
Sarah wanted to say something to her mother. Something about how she felt, but then how could she talk of feelings when she was numb?
She heard her phone vibrate and ran to check the message. She assumed it was Ross with a message about how he was so happy and couldn’t wait until he could call her his wife. The thought of that message settled her somewhat. She picked up her phone and was shocked to see ‘New message from Damian’ on the screen. Damian had ruined her dreams, was he now too to ruin her wedding day? She hurriedly opened the message. It read as follows :
“ Hey Sarah. I know today is your wedding, good luck with everything. You will look beautiful, you always do’’.
Her heart burst with emotion. Tears flooded her eyes and she wept uncontrollably. She cried not because she was in love with Damian and wanted him back, she cried because the memory of their relationship upset her. It had brought her back to all those times she had laughed about cheating on Ross, had found it funny, even, to taunt him with cruel jokes about infidelity. The thing is, they weren’t really jokes at all, because many of the things she jested about were in fact things that had actually happened to her. She had joked about being with his best friend. He had become angry and then she would
tell him that she was only joking. She had joked about having been with a married man whilst they were together. This had saddened him, largely due to the fact that he knew it wasn’t a joke, or at least she presumed he knew. And if he
did know, then why was he marrying her? Was it just for her looks as she had heard several people remark? She hoped not. She really loved him and was sorry for her transgressions. She almost felt like calling him and telling him
everything, but how could she? This had gone too far. Now she would have to marry him and the secret would always be deep within her heart, eating away at her day by day. She wished she had not been foolish enough to ruin this special
day. All she hoped was that she could forgive herself for both her and her soon to be husband. She heard her mother calling from the patio,
‘‘ Come on dear, we have to leave for the
hairdressers!’’ Her mother's tone was rushed.
She responded only with a low gurgle. Just as she was getting up she heard the phone vibrate again. She grasped it firmly, wishing it was Ross. This time her wish came true. The message read :
“ I love you Sarah, today and always.’’
She smiled. His love for her would perhaps be enough, because she did not love herself and never again could. She made her way to the car. She would return to this house as a devoted wife. Today was the start of her future.
Lessons You Learn In College
The summer holidays were over. Kelly felt as though she had been on holiday for three weeks instead of three months. It had gone so quickly and now here she was, packing her bags for her new life in the city. She felt elated
and anxious all at once, full of wonder and expectation. This was it she supposed. She was finally going to college to study what she had always wanted to study. She would meet people here who were just like her, ‘friends for life’
and whatnot. The man of her dreams was here too, of course. She could envision him perfectly. Tall, broad shouldered with a mane of wavy dark hair. Just before she saw his face, her brother called to her from downstairs,
‘‘ Kell, come on! The city is a two hour drive and if we don’t leave now we will be stuck in traffic…Hurry up!’’
Kelly grabbed her bags and bid farewell to her bedroom. Her parents weren’t there to see her off. They were on one of the numerous holidays that they took each year. It was only September and already they had been to
Madrid, London, New York and Prague. Right now they were in Rome enjoying various pizza’s, pasta’s and all things Italian. She wasn’t too put out by their absence, she was too accustomed to their ways to be bothered at all. She heard
her brother start his car and dashed out before he shouted about getting stuck in traffic again. The apartment was lovely. This was the first time she had lived away from home so she had been quite concerned about her living
arrangements for the year. Her brother Paul had spent five years in college and had several horror stories about almost every house he had lived in. If it wasn’t a deadbeat landlord it was unruly flatmates. Kelly had been fretting for
quite some time about all of these things. Just as she was wondering when she would meet her flatmates she heard a door open quietly.
‘‘ Hi, my name’s Peter. Nice to meet you. ’’ Kelly was taken aback. Peter stood there, awkwardly awaiting a response.
‘‘Peter… Nice to meet you too! I’m Kelly. In room number four.’’
‘‘I’m in room one myself. I gotta throw my bags in my room, I’ll chat to ya later! ’’ He turned an left the room hurriedly.
Peter was so handsome. He had big blue eyes and blonde hair, and when he smiled his eyes seemed to smile too. She quickly checked her reflection in the mirror. She supposed she looked quite alright. She decided to go to bed early.
College that day was a blur. So many reading lists handed out, so many things to take in… But she could handle it. After a few weeks she was getting more and more fond of college life and indeed of her flatmate, Peter. Her other flatmates were approachable people, she found them very easy to converse with. She was becoming more and more involved with Peter. They had begun not only visiting each others rooms but had now started to text each other on a daily basis. She knew their relationship was progressing too quickly and that perhaps someone would get hurt. That night, having thought about their
dynamic all day, Peter called in to her room after college.
‘‘Hey miss Kelly, what’s up?’’ He questioned.
‘‘Ah, ya know, same old same old. No news really. I was thinking of getting an early night tonight actually. Just feel kind of tired.’’ Peter looked inquisitive.
‘‘Oh but it’s only half past nine!’’ He added.
‘‘Mmm, I know. All the same though. Could you maybe just leave me alone now?’’ She responded.
‘‘Kelly, I like you. I want to be with you. There’s nothing I want more right now. I know you feel the same way.’’
Kelly gasped. She let Peter kiss her. The next day she woke up beside him and felt happy, as though she had made the right decision in sleeping with her roommate. She was beaming at college that day. The smile simply could not be kept from gracing her lips. At home that evening she enjoyed playful kisses with Peter and the night ended in much the same way as the previous night had, with Peter in her bed. The next night was her class party. She imagined the scene as follows ; She would leave the house that evening wearing her little black dress. Peter would see her and think how beautiful she was. She would go out and dance the night away, coming home later to curl up beside him. The night went mostly as she had anticipated. Peter had told her she looked good before she left. She had had such fun with her classmates. Now she was home and Peter was nowhere to be seen. She knocked quietly on his door but there was no reply. Just as she was about to walk away, the front door opened and Peter came in. He seemed distant.
‘‘Hiya Kelly. Have a good night?’’ He quizzed, seeming uninterested.
‘‘Yeah, I had a lotta fun Pete thanks.’’ She didn’t want to ask where he had been as she knew it was none of her business, but she felt the urge to ask anyway.
‘‘Where’ve you been all night? Thought you weren’t going out tonight at all.’’ She asked cheekily.
‘‘Ah, it’s kinda complicated,’ he answered slowly. She had wished now that she hadn’t asked, as it seemed to her that he must have been out with another woman. She rushed to her room, hurt but unsure why.
‘‘I’m awfully tired, better go to bed now. See ya in the morning,’’ she stammered. She turned to walk away but he grasped her tightly. She couldn’t resist. She forgot her worries and decided to go with the flow, just for one more night.
Careless. That was one word she could have used to describe their sexual relationship. It wasn’t surprising, then, when she found herself pregnant. She didn’t know what to do. Crying was always there as an option, but what happened after that? Although she didn’t like admitting it to herself, she felt happy. Happy because she was bearing the child of a man she was sure she had fallen in love with. They had a good relationship and even though she wasn’t certain, she thought maybe that Peter loved her too. Of course he would be shocked at first, but as always he would take her in his arms and she would feel safe once again. She walked into the kitchen. Peter was on the phone. The conversation seemed intense. She decided to leave the room but listened from the hallway. She couldn’t make out exactly what was being said. She shuffled back to her room where she gazed dreamily out of the window. She saw Peter walking down the steps from their apartment and towards his car. She watched him drive off quickly, her eyes following the car until it was no longer in sight. She sent him a message a few hours later when he hadn’t returned home. The message read ‘ We need to talk.’ The message she got in response was ‘ I have been wanting to say that to you for a few days now. Be home in an hour’. What did that mean? She began to feel sick. It seemed an eternity as the hour passed. She waited for him in the kitchen. Her heart jumped when he entered.
‘‘Hey Kelly. I’m glad you sent that message. We do need to talk. Talk about the stuff that’s been happening between us. It has to end.’’ Kelly sat on the couch, her eyes glazed over in shock.
‘‘It has to end? But…Why? I mean, I thought that we were getting along well and we’ve been sleeping with each other for weeks now. I don’t understand what’s wrong.’’ Tears began to stream down her cheeks. She expected Peter to sit down next to her and comfort her, but he didn’t. He stood rigidly by the door, arms folded.
‘‘Kell… You’re a nice girl. So pretty and I know we have fun together but to be honest I can’t love you now. I love someone else. I can’t replace her with you Kelly, I can’t replace her with anyone.’’ Peter’s tone was final.
‘‘Then why have you been sleeping with me all this time? ’’ Kelly asked.
‘‘Well I don’t know, it was just a bit of fun, Kelly. It was never meant to go this far. It shouldn’t have happened. But things happen. Life goes on.’’ His manner was strict. How would she tell him about the baby now she knew that he didn’t care? She felt angry. Angry and used. Suddenly she felt that telling him about the baby would make him change his mind and if not, it might at least ruin his intentions with this other woman.
‘‘Well Peter, what I wanted to speak to you about is big so get ready. I’m pregnant. ’’ The silence was deafening.
‘‘If this is a joke Kelly then it’s not at all funny. Is this a joke? ’’ Peter looked anxious.
‘‘No. Peter why would I joke about it? It’s true.’’
‘‘Have you checked out abortion clinics? ’’ Peter asked, sweat beginning to drip from his forehead.
‘‘Abortion clinics? ’’ Kelly was unable to think. ‘Why would I do that?’’ She finally blurted out.
‘‘Because Kelly, I cant have a kid now. I’m in college, I don’t have a job and we barely know each other. This can’t happen. I wanted none of this! ’’ He was frustrated, the writhing of his hands let Kelly know terrified he was.
‘‘Kelly I’m serious, I want nothing to do with this. You must get rid of it. It’s not even a thing, not even a person, just a ball of meaningless cells. You mustn’t imagine this as a child, Kelly. You must see it as what it is – a bunch of cells.’ He was frank in his thoughts. Kelly’s heart broke.
‘‘I’m going to bed, I feel sick, ’’ she screamed, and ran to her room. She wasn’t faking this illness. She really did feel sick. Right to the pit of her stomach. She cried herself to sleep that night and every other night for a week until she could cry no more. At this stage Peter had booked a flight and an appointment at a clinic. He had the entire thing sorted really. She didn't want to go against his wishes. How could she do this without his support? In two days time she would no longer be pregnant. Funny, she didn’t even feel any different. It was almost as if there was nothing different. Upon that thought, she felt a sharp pain right in the middle of her stomach. It lasted only ten seconds but reoccurred several minutes later, and kept happening until she finally called Peter.
‘‘Kelly, this might be related to the pregnancy. You have to go to the hospital. All sorts of things can go wrong, this could be serious. I’ll drive you.’’
So he drove. He also drove her home the next day. They stayed at the hospital all night, blood tests being done along with every other test imaginable. On the way home there was silence. Occasionally Peter asked her if she was alright, knowing of course that she wasn’t. Back at the apartment it was as if nothing had changed. Kelly walked to her room.
‘‘I’ll cancel the flights and everything Kelly, don’t worry about that.’’ Peter was quiet. She resented him.
‘‘Well it seems like you have to now doesn’t it. I’ll talk to you later. I’m going to bed. If I need anything I’ll give you a text.’’ Peter smiled meekly in response.
Kelly shut her door quietly behind her. For the first time since she could remember, she was unable to cry. It seemed silly to her as this was the exact moment at which floods of tears should be drenching her pillow. Maybe she was relieved, just as she was certain Peter was. Life goes on she thought, just as Peter had said.